Maryam Sanda's Case: Lessons Inherent, By: Osun Ministry of Women, Children and Social Affairs.

When people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on domestic violence. Domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in an intimate relationship or marriage to dominate and control the other. Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only which is to gain and maintain total control over the other. An abuser doesn't play fair,an abuser uses fear,guilt,shame and intimidation to wear his victim down and keep him /her under their thumb.

Domestic violence and abuse happens to anyone,it does not discriminate, lately men have been at the recieving end of abuses, ranging from wives bathing their husbands with hot oil, hot water, acid and knife stabbing e.t.c.

In discussing domestic abuse, the case of Maryam Sanda readily comes to mind being the most recent. An Abuja high court sitting at Maitama, on Monday 27th January 2020,convicted and sentenced Maryam Sanda,daughter in law to a former chairman of the people's democratic party(PDP)Mr Mohammad Belllo Haliru to death by hanging. Maryam was found guilty of stabbing her husband Bilyamin Bello to death in 2017, he was a real estate developer. The prosecution was able to establish beyond reasonable doubt that Bilyamin died as a result of several stabs on his chest and neck,police maintained that the defendant attacked her husband with the knowledge that her cat was likely to cause his death.

Women who do not have the gut to resort to stabbing, acid bath, oil bath, hot water bath e.t.c have pushed themselves to elastic emotional limits resulting in depression,high blood pressure,psychological or mental disorder.

The question is why would anyone allow herself to be totally overtaken by emotions. The reason may include emotional immaturity, lack of education, lack of economic independence, idleness, loneliness, lack of self confidence, over dependence amongst others.

It is thus imperative to arm the women folk and indeed our men with the following tips:

1. Love, don't over love-  remember always that you're meant to complement each other. Do not be too dependent on your partner.

2.  Love healthily: open,honest and safe communication is a fundamental part of a healthy loving. See each other as best of friends. Whatever come your ways.

3. Learn to live and let others live,always see your man or woman as an individual not your personal property, possession or acquisition. Remember that as individuals, we all have our lives to live.

4. Learn to control your emotions.
Learn to make strategic decisions, weighing the consequences of your actions.

 5. Society should stop stigmatizing divorced or single women. Fear of being labelled a divorcee has forced many women to remain in unhealthy marriages which make them end up transferring unnecessary aggression to their children, neighbors and associates.

6. Society should stop looking down on anyone not married. This has forced many women to go into wrong marriages which eventually pressures them beyond limit to misbehave.

7.  We should learn not to attach too much importance to marriage or the status of being married.

8. Women should learn to always be confident of their status. Learn to rock your singlehood like your life depends on it.

9. We should believe people's stories and find a way to ease their burdens. Don't just waive aside people's stories when they share them with you.

10. We must have a forgiving spirit because we are all not perfect.

11. Work hard so poverty don't force you to remain in abusive marriage.

12. Speak out and speak to the right people

13. Practice honesty and Fidelity. Do not betray your partner's trust.

With compliments from the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Affairs, State of Osun

We say no to domestic violence. Love, don't kill.